Weddings give everyone involved an opportunity to put on their Sunday best and strut their stuff. Thus, it’s easy to find guides to tell you what’s appropriate to wear to a morning wedding or an evening wedding. It’s somewhat more difficult to find a definitive guide that discusses what you should burn before ever taking off the tags to save yourself from a lifetime of post wedding embarrassment. So today, I’d like to explore the “what not to do’s” of dressing for other people’s weddings.
Rule 1: Don’t wear the dress above unless you are attending the wedding of a life-long biker who’s finally decided to turn his bitch into his mama. In fact, even then I’d suggest donating this dress to your favorite neice’s dress-up box and investing in a nice set of leathers.
Rule 2: Don’t wear white. Don’t find out what the wedding party is wearing and buy a matching dress. Especially not if you’re still bitter about not being chosen as a bridesmaid. And don’t wear your old wedding dress. If the groom dumped you, get over it.
Rule 3: Don’t wear head-to-toe black, even if you’re still madly in love with the bride, groom, or officiating priest. Don’t wear your homemade “Goth” costume. Consider removing your most obtrusive facial piercings on the morning of the wedding.
Rule 4: Don’t outshine the bride. Wearing your work clothes, when you are employed as a Las Vegas showgirl is definitely out of the question. If the dress you’re eyeing is just like something you saw your favorite A-lister wearing on the red carpet last week, you may just want to consider putting it back on the rack.
Rule 5: Never, ever, ever dress like a sci-fi character or a furry. Even if it truly is who you are inside.
And if, Heaven forbid, you turn up at a wedding wearing the exact same dress as someone else, DO NOT PANIC. Simply borrow bouquets from a couple of bridesmaids and pass yourself off to the photographer as the “auxiliary” bridesmaids. Guaranteed giggles all the way around!
Hmmm, good tip, Omnibus. I was thinking you could steal a hat and some gloves from one of the old betties and snarkily tell your doppelganger that you are wearing the original vintage design.
“Too bad you could only afford the copy, honey!”
LOL at that pic!!! Classic!
Another tip inspired by that get-up: if you saw the “dress” recently sported by your local streetwalker or corner-worker, its a no-go.
Can you imagine trying to dance at the reception in those shoes?!? The ankle injuries! OY!
Forget about dancing! How would you even sit down??
yikes that dress reminds me of one i saw at my cousin’s wedding last summer. of course i saw more hooker heels than i’ve ever seen in my life at that wedding. plus the mother of the bride decided that she too had to dress just like the bridesmaids in a lilac strapless ballgown complete with the most sparkly hair ornaments i’ve ever seen on one head. not classy at all.
I just got back from a wedding where the bride wore shoes not unlike those in the pic — they were actually white PVC go-go boots, underneath her traditional wedding dress!
? On my computer, there is not even the blank spot that inexplicably turns up for some of the items the Manolo displays (which are viewable only at lunch hours). What am I missing here? Obviously, a dress of some hilarity, which I would love to see.
OTOH, I have a question about the “not matching the bridal party.” I was asked to be a bridesmaid to my sister-in-law, but as I was up to my eyeballs in making her dress, I declined, and she certainly understood and appreciated why. I was one of the readers at her wedding, however. I did pick an outfit in navy blue (which I do not wear) to coordinate with the wedding party, as I was in all the pictures, and had no desire to stand out like a sore thumb. Was this a mistake?
I don’t think so, La Bella. I’m sure that in the future the bride will be busy appreciating the lovely composition of her wedding photos and won’t give even a passing glance to the fact that you were in navy.
You mean to tell me there are people who are bitter over the fact they WEREN’T chosen to be a bridesmaid? I am the maid of honor in my little sister’s wedding next week, and I have something to say to all those aspiring bridesmaids out there.
Run. The wedding will eat your soul. And if held in December, your Christmas as well.
that is hilarious!
i am the brides maid for my sisters wedding and i think it will be fun. I mean i get to share in her special day. Does that sound corny? I thought so.