I’m loving this answer from Abigail Van Buren – also known as Jeanne Phillips, also also known as Dear Abby – in response to a bride-to-be who asked her maid of honor to un-dye her hair for the wedding because the MOH’s chosen hue doesn’t match her wedding color scheme.
When you picked your best friend of 19 years to stand up with you at your wedding, you knew what she looked like. Either you should have picked another color scheme for the production, or chosen a cast member who was suitably mousy that she wouldn’t dim your spotlight. Please note that I am using theatrical terms because you have lost sight of what a wedding really should be. What a shame.
When are certain brides-to-be (none of you darlings, natch) going to learn that they can’t control every aspect of their weddings? To me, the whole bridezilla phenomenon is all about control, but there are just some things that are best left up to chance. Botoxing bridesmaids? Bridesmaid contracts? Dye jobs that must coordinate with the wedding colors? Ick.
Brides-to-be should remember that their ‘maids will still look like themselves on the big day, so those who would prefer to keep their bridal parties wrinkle, crazy hair-, BBW-, pregnancy-, or whatever-free should choose accordingly. And then remember that people can change in an instant. Brides-to-be bothered by that might do better off skipping the attendants altogether.
So agreed! No couple should expect the people in their wedding party to change themselves for the wedding, whether it’s losing weight or re-dying their hair or getting Botox.
I think it’s also important to remember that people don’t change their personalities for someone else’s wedding. If you want to ask a friend who’s bad with money or tends to procrastinate, think about how you’ll handle it if she doesn’t get the money together in time to order her dress, or if he forgets to send his measurements to the tux shop.
I still can’t believe the lengths that some brides have sunk to in the pursuit of superficialty. I picked my bridesmaids because they are my best friends. Most important to me was to have them with me during this whole process for their support and love. I picked a color and style that would flatter each of them and that they all loved so that they can wear their dresses again. I want them all to feel fabulous on the big day! I feel sorry for brides who care more about what their bridesmaids look like than who they are each as people and why you love them so much.
I’m in the nice camp, but that picture is awesome! I love all the different dresses together. 🙂